I haven’t been on in quite some time and I would like to say this is for good reason and it is in some ways. Life has been a bit of a chaotic mess lately which leads me to sinking into my own mind and refraining from delving into the social realm. On one hand, I have officially gotten a new job within my career field which will help me reach my end goal. I am also one test away from officially getting my bachelors degree so I can begin my masters program. On the other hand, my mental state has been terrible and I have been having a difficult time getting my mind back to an optimistic state.
I know that writing has always been a wonderful outlet for me but I have taken it for granted and decided I would not do it. I know that this is the only way I can truly cope, especially since I am not an emotional person and will never feel comfortable expressing my problems with other individuals no matter how close I may be to them. I have been doing a bit better but I am still emotionally struggling. This downward spiral is something that reminds me that others may feel this way as well which is why I wanted to reach out to you all and remind you that we are all struggling in our own way. Loneliness isn’t an option with over 7 million people in the world. Your trauma, depression, anxiety or sadness will come to an end eventually and if you need an open ear, I am here for you. I wish I took advantage of when people told me this.
I am the first one to try and see all sides to every conflict and story. I manage to even rethink the things that I have done, said or even felt. Recently though I have come to recognize that while thinking about how everybody else feels, I have forgotten about my own feelings and reasons for being hurt or upset.
I am starting to question if this is healthy or not. I have let my emotions sit on the back burner and I think a fire is about to arise. How can I fix this situation? Not one party is truly happy and because of that I feel like ignoring my own problems has not made any impact of helping ease the situation.
I spend most of my time attempting to avoid all of the conflicts and issues yet I am the easy person to speak to for advice. I do not want to be a part of the problem, I want to spend everyday happy and inspired. How can I do that when madness is occurring all around me though?
If I speak out then my blunt honesty will kill connections and relationships. Many cant accept the truth. So I am now forced to bite my tongue and hope for everything to be better. I am unsure how much longer my mental state can handle the amount of suppression. I need a way out.
I had a fleeting thought that failed to disappear as quickly as it came to mind. I appreciate poetry, writing, and lyrics so much that it has captivated my life. I find myself asking why my appreciation for these things seems so much larger than those of others. This blog site has made me come to realize the answer to all of this.
Writing is an expression of the self. Our thoughts we are too afraid to speak of out loud. If it wasn’t for this outlet where would many of us be? We use writing of any kind in order to relieve our minds from overthinking, to express the feelings we cant find the words for when speaking, to relieve ourselves of feelings we are ashamed of and to lend a helping hand and sense of understanding to anybody who feels the same way.
Writing can be used for so much more than this but I feel that these things are the most relevant to myself and many others that I see and speak to. Why has our world come to this though? Why are so many individuals afraid to speak about their feelings with somebody face to face? I have struggled to answer these questions myself.
We come here to express information, documentation, or just our own personal views. One thing each and every one of use has in common is using writing as our outlet. So now the question lies, how many of you feel like writing is the only time you can be real, raw, and genuine? How many of you feel forced to use this outlet though you desire to speak with somebody about it?
Though this does not apply to all of you… I still want to offer my appreciation and respect for the bravery for what is written. I want to offer an open ear for anybody who feels trapped or stuck. I have felt this way myself and due to this I feel it is necessary to remind you that the world isn’t always as black and white as it may seem. Sometimes we just need to search for the gray areas.