Tag: Life

Depression Hits Hard

Life, Uncategorized

I haven’t been on in quite some time and I would like to say this is for good reason and it is in some ways. Life has been a bit of a chaotic mess lately which leads me to sinking into my own mind and refraining from delving into the social realm. On one hand, I have officially gotten a new job within my career field which will help me reach my end goal. I am also one test away from officially getting my bachelors degree so I can begin my masters program. On the other hand, my mental state has been terrible and I have been having a difficult time getting my mind back to an optimistic state.

I know that writing has always been a wonderful outlet for me but I have taken it for granted and decided I would not do it. I know that this is the only way I can truly cope, especially since I am not an emotional person and will never feel comfortable expressing my problems with other individuals no matter how close I may be to them. I have been doing a bit better but I am still emotionally struggling. This downward spiral is something that reminds me that others may feel this way as well which is why I wanted to reach out to you all and remind you that we are all struggling in our own way. Loneliness isn’t an option with over 7 million people in the world. Your trauma, depression, anxiety or sadness will come to an end eventually and if you need an open ear, I am here for you. I wish I took advantage of when people told me this.

Finally Got A New Area Rug

Family, Life

I have luckily been capable of receiving this gorgeous area rug from my grandmother for a surprise house warming gift. My living room has always looked a bit simple because I have been unable to decide what I want to do with it or how I want to decorate it. I couldn’t be more thankful to finally have a unique piece that gives me the push I needed to begin decorating our new home. With the stress and anxiety moving brings about, having something so vibrant has helped put my mind at ease.

Upon entry, my sweet fur baby decided to mark his territory on the new area rug. I was devastated because I fell in love with it as soon as I saw it. I heard of many different tips and tricks to clean area rugs but I am not particularly trusting of my rug cleaning abilities. I refuse to use any chemicals or toxins within my household. With my fur babies and baby girl, I don’t think chemicals or toxins are safe for them to be around them. Call me an over protective mother but there are too many things that can go wrong these days.

After my husband and I spent a couple of hours looking to find a company that could clean my new area rug with no chemicals, I finally found one! I had to share this experience because it was like magic. Chem-Dry is a Peoria carpet cleaning company that happily helped me get my new area rug back to perfect condition. I was about to give up hope since almost none of the carpet cleaning companies I contacted used green certified products except this one.

I always sound over bearing when I make doctor appointment, vet appointment and more. Maybe I worry a bit too much, they still managed to speak with me in a professional and kind manner even though I had a million questions. My area rug has no scent of dog urine and looks fantastic! I could not be more thankful. In about 2 hours after they had finished my rug was dry and fluffy!

With everything that has been going on recently, this stress was the last thing I wanted to deal with. I would have been heartbroken if I had to throw this gorgeous stone area rug away. At least now I know of a place that I can contact that will help me take care of my home. Now I need to finish potty training my puppy so this doesn’t occur again! I strongly recommend this company if you are in the area and need carpet cleaning done. My home is finally coming along thanks to this amazing gift my grandmother has given me.

I am hoping that soon the home will be put together and I can begin to settle down within the home with my perfect little family. ❤

Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Family, Life, Uncategorized

Recently I have been confronted with some news that will ultimately alter my entire life. Unsure of what way to go with it is beginning to wear down my psyche. How are you supposed to know when a decision is right or wrong? With both options having their own benefits and consequences, I can only question which way I should go.

This post is vague, of course. The news isn’t something I am quite ready to share at this point though. I am stuck in a situation that is ultimately going to cause stress, heartache and instability no matter the direction I go…

These conflicting thoughts are ultimately killing me inside and my heart is breaking knowing that there is no way of knowing if I am making the correct choice. I am terrified that my psyche is about to shatter completely. Sometimes things that are unplanned have a way of altering your life entirely…

Conflict and Suppression

Uncategorized

I am the first one to try and see all sides to every conflict and story. I manage to even rethink the things that I have done, said or even felt. Recently though I have come to recognize that while thinking about how everybody else feels, I have forgotten about my own feelings and reasons for being hurt or upset.

I am starting to question if this is healthy or not. I have let my emotions sit on the back burner and I think a fire is about to arise. How can I fix this situation? Not one party is truly happy and because of that I feel like ignoring my own problems has not made any impact of helping ease the situation.

I spend most of my time attempting to avoid all of the conflicts and issues yet I am the easy person to speak to for advice. I do not want to be a part of the problem, I want to spend everyday happy and inspired. How can I do that when madness is occurring all around me though?

If I speak out then my blunt honesty will kill connections and relationships. Many cant accept the truth. So I am now forced to bite my tongue and hope for everything to be better. I am unsure how much longer my mental state can handle the amount of suppression. I need a way out.

Writing Is An Outlet

Uncategorized

I had a fleeting thought that failed to disappear as quickly as it came to mind. I appreciate poetry, writing, and lyrics so much that it has captivated my life. I find myself asking why my appreciation for these things seems so much larger than those of others. This blog site has made me come to realize the answer to all of this.

Writing is an expression of the self. Our thoughts we are too afraid to speak of out loud. If it wasn’t for this outlet where would many of us be? We use writing of any kind in order to relieve our minds from overthinking, to express the feelings we cant find the words for when speaking, to relieve ourselves of feelings we are ashamed of and to lend a helping hand and sense of understanding to anybody who feels the same way.

Writing can be used for so much more than this but I feel that these things are the most relevant to myself and many others that I see and speak to. Why has our world come to this though? Why are so many individuals afraid to speak about their feelings with somebody face to face? I have struggled to answer these questions myself.

We come here to express information, documentation, or just our own personal views. One thing each and every one of use has in common is using writing as our outlet. So now the question lies, how many of you feel like writing is the only time you can be real, raw, and genuine? How many of you feel forced to use this outlet though you desire to speak with somebody about it?

Though this does not apply to all of you… I still want to offer my appreciation and respect for the bravery for what is written. I want to offer an open ear for anybody who feels trapped or stuck. I have felt this way myself and due to this I feel it is necessary to remind you that the world isn’t always as black and white as it may seem. Sometimes we just need to search for the gray areas.

February 15, 2018

inspiration, Life, Uncategorized

I have grown to love the human mind. Understanding the trials and tributes that individuals face is a challenge within itself. Recently I have recognized something missing within our society, or possibly just the flock I surround myself with.

We are all struggling in some way or another. From mental disorders to trauma of any kind, we all have our own demons. Many individuals are one with their struggles and refuse to let others see their weakness. So much can be hidden with a smile. Each one of us reaches out at some point though. What many of us receive when we reach out though is nothing….

No compassion

No open ear

No safety

No empathy.

It has been bothering me for quite some time, the lack of empathy many have. So many are self absorbed within themselves that they forget that others have their own trials and errors within life. How can we fix this problem though? How can you make somebody take a step back and listen?

There is no answer to this. There is no way to fix this issue in any way. It is important to call it like we see it though. If we can reach out with this issue and make others realize their lack of empathy for others, maybe we can begin to see an amazing change within the world. Of course, this is far fetch but it is worth the effort.

We need to all recognize that each person that walks this world is dealing with their own sorrow, pain, trials, problems and other issues. Take one moment out of your day to lend your ear to a friend, family member, or even a stranger. It may seem like nothing was solved or nothing came of it but it can ultimately mean the world to somebody.

Nobody is alone in this world and I want to remind each and every one of you that I am something so unbelievably small can move mountains. Change a life today.